AS VALENTINE’S DAY APPROACHES, ANA BRETT & RAVI SINGH THINK ABOUT LOVE.
Recently we heard that five years is the new forever in relationship and marriage. Yogi Bhajan used to say that marriage is a carriage to Infinity. It took us a long time to figure out what that meant. The meaning of life is whatever we make sacred. Commitment is the cornerstone of sacredness. It seems to us that relationship is as much a spiritual path as life in a monastery, because every day your ego gets tested and yet opportunities for growth abound. There is also, of course, great joy and peace to be found in the loving continuum of life with another.
WHERE THERE IS LOVE THERE IS NO QUESTION
This is something we didn’t understand until we experienced it. We both spent many years trying to decide what love is and if we were in love with this person or that one. We realised it has nothing to do with seeming compatibility, such as background. belief systems, shared hobbies, or sun signs. It just is. And you know it. It has nothing to do with reason. Your heart really is the brain here, even if it logically makes no sense. Of course an astrologer can find patterns. A therapist can find patterns. Anyone with a specific focus can pinpoint reasons for the attraction, but none of that makes a difference when you find yourself in love. You just know it and then you understand where there is love there is no question.
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THE REAL WORK BEGINS BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP
All yoga is relationship: Your body and your breath. Movement and breath. Your body and the space around you. Yoga is ultimately about union. Marriage can be considered the ultimate yoga. A relationship begins with your self first – a relationship that deepens and grows and changes just like any other. Only when we deepen our appreciation of ourselves, and what we have to offer, can we begin to truly appreciate and truly support and love another. When you begin a relationship with someone, it is the relationship with your self that continues to deepen as you learn to share your space with a partner, to extend your soul to greater fullness.
SOME MAY APPEAR TO BE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS
Yoga is about finding balance. You may find yourself in a relationship with someone who loves you very much, where the focus is on YOU. You may think that, although you are not as ‘in love,’ it is great to have someone so accessible and predictable. None of the pain of love: jealousy, angst, etc, just unconditional adoration (or so it seems). Then one day you may ask that person, ‘Don’t you feel like you are missing out by not having someone love you like you love me?”
“How come I’m the lucky one?’
‘You’re not the lucky one,’ they might say,
‘I am. Because I’m the one who knows exactly where I want to be. I’m never restless.’
It may take a few relationships before those wise words can sink in. Also, you will invariably find yourself with the shoe on the other foot in your relationship education. That’s the fastest route to understanding how important balance is in the relationship equation. True love is only understood when it becomes selfevident. Experience can help you appreciate it when it comes.